Emo Phillips

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.  Then I
realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way.  So I just
stole one and asked him to forgive me.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge,
about to jump off.  So I ran over and said, "Stop! don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too!  Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too!  Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too!  Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too!  Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

He said, "Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too!  Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too!  Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879,
or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.


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