MOONIES & MARXISTS

By Michael Shermer

I don't know if this ad ran elsewhere, but on Monday, July 8, 2002, the

"Moonies", AKA "The Family Federation for World Peace and Unification,

Int'l." ran a full page advertisement in the first section of the Los Angeles 

Times, no cheap purchase. The title head reads "A Cloud of Witnesses: The

Saints' Testimonies to the True Parents." The "parents" are the Reverend and

Mrs. Sun Myung Moon, and the testimonies to them come from none other than

(and I'm not making this up): Jesus, Peter, Paul, John Calvin, Martin Luther,

John Wesley, St. Augustine, Confucius, Muhammad, and, as if these were not

enough, Karl Marx, Lenin, Stalin, and Deng Xiao Ping (but no Mao)! I don't

know if the Reverend Moon used James Van Praagh and John Edward to contact

these folks to get their testimonies, but they are rather amusing. Here are

just a few highlights (including their channeled dates), including my two

favorites, the last being from Mr. Big Himself:

Jesus: "Reverend Sun Myung Moon! You are the Second Coming who inaugurated

the Completed Testament Age! The 120 people, who have brought light to the

history of Christianity pledge to take part in all that the True Parents do.

They resolve to strive toward the ideal, the original garden where there is

no original sin. They will achieve this through the guidance, the words of

the Completed Testament, and the Unification principle of the Savior and

Messiah: the Reverend Sun Myung Moon." (12/19/2001)

Martin Luther: "I believe that God is the Parent of humankind. I believe that

Reverend Sun Myung Moon is the Lord of the Second Advent. I proudly proclaim

that the Unification Principle is the new gospel for humanity. I, Martin

Luther, pledge that I will believe in these truths, and live a life of

attendance, to become a pioneer for humanity."

My second favorite testimony is from Stalin, who has apparently decided that

all that godless communism stuff was all wrong:

Stalin: "Friends in Communist countries, I am Stalin. You have had wrong

thinking. As the way you are going is not the way you should go, you must

turn to the right path as soon as possible. One's life on the Earth

determines the place one will live in the heavenly world. ... Please receive

the will of Reverend Moon completely, open your minds and build churches for

the worship of God and hold worship services. Reverend Moon reflects the

image of God, even though he is a man, and he is struggling intensely to save

Communist countries. His thought is messianic, especially for the communist

countries. You must receive his ideology of peace immediately. I, the

dictator who denied God, cry out to all the Communist countries in the Earth.

Please believe in God and seek for Him." (4/19/2002)

If all this wasn't ridiculous enough, here is the final testimony that really

takes the cake:

A Letter from God

Dear Beloved True Parents,

I am the God of all people. You, the True Parents, have now succeeded in

everything and have raised everything to its true level. So you are now the

Savior, messiah and King of Kings of all of humanity!

[This one goes on and on for a dozen paragraphs, ending]:

I, the God of all people, have faith. I believe in the True Parents. I know

and remember all the difficulties, pain and suffering that you have had to

endure. I have seen it all. It was all my responsibility, yet you endured and

raised a victorious standard. How can I ever forget you? I am grateful ... My

beloved True Parents, victory to you! Victory to the Saviors of humanity!

Victory to the King of Kings. True Parents!

I, the God of all people, sincerely convey this to my beloved True Parents.

Midnight, December 28, 2001

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If you want to find more of this flapdoodle, log on to www.familyfed.org

Wild stuff, hey?!