| Bull. If these
findings involved any other kind of therapy, doctors would
spin hypotheses about the underlying mechanisms and why the
treatment failed or backfired. And that's exactly what
theologians and scientists are doing as they try to explain
away the data. They're implicitly sketching possibilities as
to what sort of God could account for the results. Here's a
list. 1. God doesn't exist. This is the
simplest explanation, favored by
atheists. You pray, but nobody's there, so nothing
happens.
2. God doesn't intervene. This is the
view of self-limiting-deity theorists and of the
Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the
Paranormal. God may be there, but He's not doing
anything here.
3. God is highly selective. The positive
effect of prayer on the study's participants "could be
smaller than the 10% that our study was powered to detect,"
the authors suggest. Maybe God heeds prayers, but not enough
of them to reach statistical significance.
4. God ignores form letters. According
to the study's protocol, if you were assigned to pray for
patients, the only information you got about them was a
daily fax listing their first names and the initials of
their surnames. A script told you to pray in each case "for
a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no
complications." This cookie-cutter approach may have
"impacted the quality of the prayer," according to a
scientific
editorial that accompanies the study. Form letters don't
impress Congress; why should they impress God?
5. God requires a personal reference.
"Intercessory prayer makes much more sense in community, in
family, [where] we're concerned about the well-being of one
another," one of the study's authors argued in a
teleconference on the findings. A congressman may care
whether your lobbyist knows the congressman, but what God
cares about is whether your intercessor knows you.
6. God is unmoved by the size of your lobbying
team. The authors lament contamination from "background
prayer" as though it were radiation. Patients "may have
been exposed to a large amount of non-study prayer" from
friends and family, they warn, possibly swamping "the
effects of prayer provided by the intercessors." Evidently,
the 1,000 prayers delivered on your behalf by strangers in
this study added no discernible effect to the prayers God
heard from people who knew you.
7. God ignores third parties. Why should
God do what a fax from one stranger tells another stranger
to ask for on your behalf? The person God's going to listen
to is you—and maybe you want relief or salvation more than
life. As one author
puts it, "What we have in mind for someone else may not
be what they have in mind for themselves."
8. God takes His time. Maybe the study
didn't follow patients long enough, the authors suggest:
"The occurrence of any complication within 30 days of
surgery may not be appropriate or relevant to the effects of
intercessory prayer." When ordering from Heaven, allow at
least one month for shipping.
9. God has a backlog. Patients' names
were faxed to intercessors "starting the night before each
patient's scheduled surgery," according to the protocol. Was
that too late?
10. God ignores you if you don't pray hard
enough. "Maybe
the people weren't praying very hard," a monsignor tells
the St. Petersburg Times.
11. God ignores you if you're wicked.
Responding to the findings, a Baptist pastor
cites James 5:16: "The prayer of a
righteous man is powerful and effective." No
righteousness, no effect.
12. God helps those who help themselves.
"Many if not most of the wonderful hospitals in this country
were built through the intercessory prayers of religious
communities of various denominations," a member of the study
team observed during the teleconference. "Theirs was the
prayer of action instead of word." Deeds, not pleas, save
lives.
13. God does not hear the prayer of a Christian.
The protocol says prayers were delivered by members of a
Benedictine monastery, a
Carmelite community, and a
Protestant prayer ministry. "We were unable to locate
other Christian, Jewish, or non-Christian groups that could
receive the daily prayer list required for this multiyear
study," the authors explain. Oops! Maybe Jerry Falwell
had it backward.
14. God chooses His own outcome measures.
The study measured the effect of prayers on "postoperative
complications defined by the Society of Thoracic Surgeons."
But as the accompanying editorial notes, "many prayers for
the sick contain the implicit objective of easing the
passage of the spirit out of the body, an outcome which, by
Society of Thoracic Surgeons definition, would be coded as
death." If God doesn't pass your test, maybe you're using
the wrong test.
15. God doesn't participate in studies.
The authors say 1,493 people refused to participate in the
study because they had other priorities or were "not
interested in clinical research." Why should God, who has a
lot more to do and nothing to learn from a study, react
differently? "I don't see him cooperating in a test,"
opines a Baptist theologian.
16. God hates being told what to do.
Several clerics argue that the kind of intercessory prayer
used in the study is "manipulative
… of divine action" and sinfully treats God "as
our instrument." The editorial accompanying the study,
noting that patients who were prayed for "had worse absolute
rates of complications" than those who weren't, asks
"whether it was the intercessory prayer per se that may be
unsafe." Is the prayer study, like so much in the Bible, a
sign of God's wrath? "Researchers must be vigilant in asking
the question of whether a well-intentioned, loving,
heartfelt healing prayer might inadvertently harm or kill
vulnerable patients," the editorial concludes.
17. God is malevolent. Patients who
received prayers were marginally more likely to develop
complications (52.5 to 50.9 percent) and substantially more
likely to develop major complications (18.0 to 13.4 percent)
than patients who received none. You can't blame the
major-complication gap on psychology, since both groups were
told that they might or might not be prayed for. In the
teleconference, one of the study's authors tried to explain
the gap away—"We don't feel confident statistically that
that difference is at the level of significance barely that
it's actually perhaps real"—whatever that means. But another
called it a "possible hotspot," and the editorial warns that
in clinical research, "assumptions of Divine benevolence …
could only be considered scientifically naïve," since "in
the history of medicine there has never been a healing
remedy that was actually effective without having potential
side effects or toxicities."
Warning: The surgeon general may determine that prayer is
hazardous to your health. That's what can happen when faith
sets out to prove its power through science.
William Saletan is Slate's
national correspondent and author of
Bearing Right: How Conservatives Won the Abortion War.
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