TV Evangelists

While wasting time on my TV,
I got advice that’s just for me;
A method to ensure that I;
Would get to heaven when I die.
 
Such luck, said I, to find this out,
Before I suffered fear and doubt;
All that I’d need would be to send,
This guy a fifty buck stipend.
 
Make it a hundred, don’t be cheap,
And earn a place at Jesus’ feet.
He said, "five hundred can provide,
Your seat at God’s almighty side."
 
It seems the Lord needs company,
Since angels few of us will be;
Salvation’s kept for those alone,
Who throw evangelists a bone.
 
So Benny told me God’s agreed,
Trips heavenward are guaranteed,
If I but liquidate my home,
And pledge it via telephone.
 
I found it odd that God would need, 
To satisfy our Benny’s greed;
So I decided I would pass,
And let old Benny kiss Hank’s Ass.
 
I much prefer the cooking shows,
To watching bible thumpers crow;
So pass the popcorn, chips and coke,
Daytime TV’s not bad, just broke! 
 
K. Axel Brauch
2/28/03