TV Evangelists

While wasting time on my TV,
I got advice thatís just for me;
A method to ensure that I;
Would get to heaven when I die.

Such luck, said I, to find this out,
Before I suffered fear and doubt;
All that Iíd need would be to send,
This guy a fifty buck stipend.

Make it a hundred, donít be cheap,
And earn a place at Jesusí feet.
He said, "five hundred can provide,
Your seat at Godís almighty side."

It seems the Lord needs company,
Since angels few of us will be;
Salvationís kept for those alone,
Who throw evangelists a bone.

So Benny told me Godís agreed,
Trips heavenward are guaranteed,
If I but liquidate my home,
And pledge it via telephone.

I found it odd that God would need,
To satisfy our Bennyís greed;
So I decided I would pass,
And let old Benny kiss Hankís Ass.

I much prefer the cooking shows,
To watching bible thumpers crow;
So pass the popcorn, chips and coke,
Daytime TVís not bad, just broke!

K. Axel Brauch
2/28/03


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